6 ms·

My name is Wil Wheaton. I live with chronic Depression, and I am not ashamed

166 points by vimalvnair 8y ago

deleted 8y ago
[deleted]
dominotw 8y ago
1. Define depression. 2.Who doesn't. 3. no it doesn't run in your family. 4. There is no such thing as chemical imbalace that causes depression. 5. It's your own responsibility to fix it. 6. Stop glorifying it.
- phailhaus 8y ago
  Are you a doctor? Or just some random person who was sad once and believes they knows everything about depression now? You're a real piece of work.
  - fuhler 8y ago
    someone presented a list of questions, many of them provocative and probably fallacies. You posted a regular ad hominem and and insult. ```you're a real piece of work``` will never be constructive
  - dang 8y ago
    Personal attacks aren't ok here, regardless of how wrong another comment is. Please read https://news.ycombinator.com/newsguidelines.html https://news.ycombinator.com/newsguidelines.html and don't do this again. Edit: your previous comment also broke the guidelines badly. We ban accounts that do that, so if you'd read the rules and use this site as intended from now on, we'd appreciate it.
megamindbrian2 8y ago
I think I have that, how did he treat it?
- 0xcde4c3db 8y ago
  An (unspecified) antidepressant and self-care, apparently.
- JamesBarney 8y ago
  He mentions he implies he started taking anti-depressants.
Waterluvian 8y ago
I encourage everyone to consider finding time for this lecture on depression: https://youtu.be/TIcf-2AFHgw https://youtu.be/TIcf-2AFHgw It helped me frame what depression the disease is compared to our broad usage of the word in everyday contexts. In particular it describes both the biology and psychology of depression.
- thevardanian 8y ago
  I absolutely adore Sapolsky, and suggest everyone also listen/watch his human behavioral biology lectures. They were infinitely more interesting to me than my intro to psyc class, and perhaps more informative.
- camel_Snake 8y ago
  This was fantastic. I watched this last night and wanted to come back and thank you for sharing.
narrator 8y ago
Here is a terrible awful fact most people are unaware of: The suicide rate has been going up steadily since 2000 and we are back where we were in the mid 1980s[1]. I found this out by listening to a speech from a mental health convention where the doctor giving the speech was blasting the commonly held idea that antidepressants had solved everything. [1] https://www.npr.org/sections/health-shots/2016/04/22/474888854/suicide-rates-climb-in-u-s-especially-among-adolescent-girls https://www.npr.org/sections/health-shots/2016/04/22/4748888...
- Bucephalus355 8y ago
  The suicide rate for 10-14 year olds has increased over 250% since 2007.
  - georgebarnett 8y ago
    This is shocking. Could you please provide a reference so I may link others to this?
    - Bucephalus355 8y ago
      Dr. Jean Twenge from UC San Diego and CDC Mortality Statistics. BTW the 250% number is for boys only. For girls 10-14, it’s about 325%. https://www.theatlantic.com/magazine/archive/2017/09/has-the-smartphone-destroyed-a-generation/534198/ https://www.theatlantic.com/magazine/archive/2017/09/has-the...
    - deleted 8y ago
      [deleted]
  - himom 8y ago
    Palo Alto has permanent 24/7 suicide-by-train watch at all major crossings. Those folks sit out all night, even in heavy downpours, under a flimsy vinyl personal shelter and what amounts to a beach chair.
- tim333 8y ago
  Though globally and over longer periods things are more complicated. The US adolescent thing while terrible is a special case https://upload.wikimedia.org/wikipedia/commons/0/05/Suicide-deaths-per-100000-trend.jpg https://upload.wikimedia.org/wikipedia/commons/0/05/Suicide-...
dingaling 8y ago
That must have been difficult to write, but it was also difficult to read. I don't think he needed to lash-out at the adults who didn't understand his illness; how was a director in a weekly TV show meant to diagnose and accommodate depression when he's handling dozens of people to a tight schedule? Its the same in any context of work, unfortunately. You're just a cog and if the cog jams, add more oil or replace it. That's probably not something a teenager would have understood, hence his frustrated efforts to find answers from adults he held in regard, and I don't know what the solution is. But sniping isn't it. I am glad that Mr Wheaton is in a better condition and hopefully this essay will help others, but it seemed unnecessarily cruel in places.
- moron4hire 8y ago
  I generally interpret "sniping" as "taking specific, precise shots, meant to inflict maximum damage". So it's hard to interpret Will's comments as sniping when there is no specific, precise target. He doesn't name names, or even productions. He just relates some general scenarios. And in those events, I don't really see where he tries to lay blame on these unnamed directors and publicists. I see him matter-of-factly describing situations. But the most positive way we could interpret these scenarios--they were themselves overworked that they couldn't see Will's problems--is no place for a child to be. No, it may not have been Rick Berman's job to make sure Will Wheaton was ok (though, as a producer, that is very, very debatable). But that almost certainly means Will just had no business being in the set of Star Trek (much less debatable for any TNG fan). As a child, you're not really in control of your reality.
- blumomo 8y ago
  > I am glad that Mr Wheaton is in a better condition and hopefully this essay will help others, but it seemed unnecessarily cruel in places. You're confusing the description of the subject with the subject that is being described: It's not the essay that is cruel. Cruel is what the essay reflects: the western live in a society where the last dollar is squeezed out of many people in that society. > He is doing the best he can, and if you all could stop seeing him as a way to put money into your pockets, maybe you could see that he’s suffering and needs help. This is cruel.
- 8y ago
Bucephalus355 8y ago
“Ending the stigma against mental illness”? If anything, as many sociologists have noted, having a mental illness is almost fashionable today. It is not a stigma by any means. Ever since right after WWII, when housewives seeing a psychoanalyst become so popular, the ability to claim a diagnosis and then talk about all the treatment you do has been something of a social signal. Having Chronic Depression is not a problem that is solved by increasing “acceptance”. Perhaps it just genuinely reflects the state of our world, or maybe simply the tragedy of what it means to be human, to suffer from original sin. I do not doubt Mr. Wheaton’s illness or pain. But his focus on “acceptance” as the ultimate end is frustrating.
- beders 8y ago
  It's not fashionable to suffer from chronic depression dude. Not AT ALL. And there was no 'original sin'. That is just a bunch of baloney.
- pryce 8y ago
  I don't enjoy seeing comments dismissing the stigma of mental illness. I have seen friends in industry targeted and pushed out after disclosing mental illnesses, and the simple fact that awareness campaigns exist and you happen to see them doesn't mean that stigma doesn't exist. Awareness campaigns are a response to stigma and a recognition of the damage it does. Mistaking their presence for the stigma being removed is an error of familiarity and attention (you notice the awareness campaign more than you notice the stigma). Lastly, consider that the point of the awareness campaign is to lessen unnecessary suffering, not to cure Chronic Depression, so to dismiss it as failing at a criterion that was never the intention behind it seems odd.
- camel_Snake 8y ago
  The acceptance of mental health issues can manifest itself in many ways. There is much more to it than just discussing anonymously online or going to see a psychiatrist. Acceptance means I can tell interviewers honestly that the gap in my resume is because I was dealing with undiagnosed mental health issues and have that not be any worse than "I saved up money and wanted to travel and enjoy myself." Acceptance means I can talk honestly with my friends and family about my lack of self worth and still believe they'll care about me. Chronic depression certainly isn't 'solved by increasing acceptance'. But it does lower the barrier to seeking treatment and addressing the root causes.
mephitix 8y ago
This hits pretty close to home. I've been seeing therapists for my anxiety but they haven't really helped much, and occasionally there are times when I just have a pretty bad day. I have a lot of fear, but there is no physical manifestation of it - it is fear of lack of worth, lack of success, lack of love, lack of acknowledgement. I overanalyze everything that I do and everything others say or do to me. I could probably point to many things in my past to blame but I'm done trying to retro-analyze myself and just want to fix things. I'm afraid of trying anti-depressants but I've been seriously thinking about getting a dog (I liked that Wil mentioned that his dogs help him :). I've always wanted one and I feel like at the least doggo would give me some comfort and put things in perspective. I really appreciate Wil writing his thoughts down and giving suggestions. It definitely helps a lot. I actually keep a running list of tiny things that I've found that help me - things to think about and do, in a moment of anxiety or sadness. One day I hope to share that with others too.
- gh02t 8y ago
  Pets can be helpful, but I really want to say also that you shouldn't be afraid to try antidepressants. There are all sorts of stigmas about how they make you a zombie etc, but the fact is that they do work for people and I know plenty of people who lead normal lives thanks to medicine, myself included, without experiencing that sort of thing. They do not work for everybody, and they do make you feel kinda ill the first few days, but for most people that is temporary and things get better from there. All I am saying is that it is worth at least discussing with a doctor if you haven't and it may help if therapy has been ineffective. My own case is not that severe, but I know several people who have had their lives change dramatically for the better after starting proper meds after years of suffering because they believed all the stigma around antidepressants and depression in general. It can be hard for someone who is depressed and needs medicine to understand what the drugs are for, because they don't have any perspective on what it's like to feel "normal." Just gaining a bit of that perspective can be enough to help people manage it. Either way, I hope you can feel better soon. I know what it feels like.
  - mephitix 8y ago
    Hmm, yeah maybe I'll talk to a doctor about it. Possibly a psychiatrist? I was actually considering trying CBD oil because I heard some strains work well for anxiety. I know there aren't long-term studies on it but it seems to have less side-effects than anti-depressants. But a doctor would know best, like you said. I'll reconsider anti-depressants. Thanks for the advice!
david-cako 8y ago
The part where he described saying goodbye and playing out that being the last time he'd see someone got me. I've found that health anxiety and irrational fears are by far the worst rabbit holes to start falling into. I've had periods of years where my mind is entirely consumed by these things. I feel like fears rooted in reality are at least tangible enough to not be horrifying. The things that make me talented feel like mind diseases. Pattern recognition is so easily polluted with ruminations and cyclical thinking. The only way I've been able to cope is by becoming numb. The more uncertainty I acknowledge as existing, the worse I feel. I don't feel particularly good though. Nothing in the world feels like "enough" to occupy my mind anywhere near as much as the negative things. SSRIs can aid in that numbing. For me it has somewhat. I haven't found that they have given me any sort of increase in motivation or excitement for life, though.
fleitz 8y ago
Shut up, Wesley
harlanji 8y ago
The equation of power is shifting from “Money and willingness to do Evil” to “Persuasiveness and reach,” according to Scott Adams. So while previously cries for help like this meant nothing and were an invitation to private torment, now they can work for this author with this audience. I’m extensively documenting my plight into what looks like a homeless end game, going on for 5mo now, and I am pretty sure most depression symptoms/feelings are actually disappointment/shock/dejection inflicted by those who help was sought from. Where are those friends and mentors? Theirs probably taught them to be heartless by example, people pass on their injuries. I’m not MRM but I can’t say there aren’t valid points like male disposability. Thankfully I am able to detach from my emotions and go about my days in joyful solitude but I’d rather just move on and not be put into boxes based on the past; interesting how many comedians are child abuse survivors. My view of humans as savage with a capacity for empathy emerged, as opposed to the opposite I’d felt in my years as a beloved winner/good friend/etc with an envied life. “Comedy is truth and pain,” indeed. I am now ostracized for looking conservative in SF, ex-BF even questioned if I am racist while wearing a shiny Fuck Trump shirt to my house. Silver lining is I am now much more able to feel the ostracization my younger brother felt in his short life, a tearful “nobody believes me” is burned into my memory from one conversation with him as kids. Kudos to OP for finding a platform, but this level of emoting still sends most people straight into “needs help not associating whisper whisper” mode. Even guys you feel are sensitive and who you have helped aren’t there, in fact they are the first to start picking up social capital you’re losing. As an outside observer of my own plight I can laugh along with the people who’ve received my communications asking for help, and predict their power moves, knowing one day perhaps our roles will be reversed and I can bend their minds with kindnesss. Hope things keep going for OP but we’re nowhere near acceptance of men without a platform having feelings and tears not made out of money. We create our own reality and too many people are scared to step out of the box and try stuff like this, in any case, and I hope it’s beneficial.
deleted 8y ago
[deleted]
diimdeep 8y ago
Well written, this is also had profound effect on me https://gekk.info/articles/adhd.html https://gekk.info/articles/adhd.html
78_fincdian 8y ago
> as a white, heterosexual, cisgender man in America, I live life on the lowest difficulty setting Seriously, what is this shit? Is there a grant I'm not aware of that's given to straight white men? Free housing somewhere? I'm white and straight and American and I'm pretty sure my children's education is paid for by my near constant work (and my wife's) not by the magical fairy dust that was sprinkled on me at birth. In no way am I saying Wil does not suffer from depression, but the "my life is perfect, how could I possibly be depressed?" spin rings false. Child stars that go on to find middling success and depression (and substance abuse) later in life is more the norm than the exception isn't it? As far as I know he never almost died because of drugs, never had a public meltdown and is still gainfully employed, so I'd say he navigated things better than most. I can't speak from experience, but in no way would I say that the life of a child star is easy. It's probably one of the hardest things you could ask a young person to do. But I have no sympathy for someone who gives in to prevailing rhetoric about "privilege". That is just as moronic as saying "women can't program" or "black people are good at sports".
- mercer 8y ago
  I'd say applying the 'principle of charity' would help here. He's probably in an environment where this is a hot button issue, so he's addressing it specifically to avoid your kind of derailing comment (but I guess from what some would call the SJW audience). More importantly, he's describing a feeling that many people with depression suffer from, a kind of 'impostor syndrome' that can make the whole thing worse and actively prevent people from finding help. I've felt it too, and I've known plenty of people who are the opposite of 'white, heterosexual, cisgender man' who have felt it too. You think so little of yourself that you don't even allow yourself to be depressed, because others have it so much worse. It doesn't help, and it's bullshit. I do find myself confused that the fact that he considers himself privileged and wants to use this for good is somehow offensive enough to you to make you lose all sympathy. Is that how you actually feel, or are you exaggerating?
- sjellis 8y ago
  "Seriously, what is this shit? Is there a grant I'm not aware of that's given to straight white men" You can get a little badge that says "respectable citizen, handle with care". You don't see it, but people in authority do.
Tomte 8y ago
http://wilwheaton.net/2012/09/depression-lies/ http://wilwheaton.net/2012/09/depression-lies/ is shorter and better. Also from the viewpoint of his wife: https://www.annewheaton.com/the-other-side-of-depression/ https://www.annewheaton.com/the-other-side-of-depression/
himom 8y ago
Only depression and anxiety? That sucks, and I wouldn’t wish those on anyone... but try also having ADD, mild Asperger’s, home drama, stuttering (silent block, way more awkward than repeating)... oh and being not a celebrity, unemployable, unpersonable, broke and homeless. It’s all my fault, I know, I’m lazy for going to interviews and people not liking me for reasons/feedback they’ll never mention. Depression isn’t good or victim-hierarchy laudible, get rid of it with CBT, group, exercise, diet, work, socializing, meds... whatever. Anxiety is shit too but I down about 12 hydroxyzine a day.
falcolas 8y ago
Meta: Currently buried on page 5, with 140 upvotes. This right here says more about our feelings about mental illness than anything else.
- JCSato 8y ago
  I would be inclined to say it says more about our feelings on Will Wheaton. . .
RickJWagner 8y ago
Shut up, Wesley!
rcoroda 8y ago
I'm going to say something that probably get me banned from this SJW cesspool that HN have become: his depression is a sign of his gut telling him he is not a real man. He is a soy boy, so obsessed with looking like he is not a sexist/racist/homophobe that he cant appreciate anything else in life and blame others for not accepting him. He just need to man up.
- jochung 8y ago
  More nuanced take: men are finally acting like women have told them to act for decades: talk about your feelings, open up, be in touch with your inner self... not realizing that only works for women because women's feelings matter and verbalizing them often enough will cause others to take action sooner or later. The reason men had the "irritating" habit of offering solutions is because it was inconceivable to most that you'd complain and expect that to actually accomplish anything. It's like an attractive person telling the ugly that they just need to approach the world with a more positive attitude and good things will come in return. No honey, that's only because they want to have sex with you. Other people don't get shit for free. As Warren Farrel said: men's facade of strength is their weakness, women's facade of weakness is their strength. When a man displays weakness, he forfeits his right to get help. Two generations now have been utterly miseducated on gender by a feminized education system that treated masculinity as a condition to be medicated away and passive femininity as the role model, not realizing boys need adversity in their youth to prepare them for the complete heartlessness they'll receive as adults. "But I love my husband!" Yes, until the marriage is over, after which he'll be devastated and pining for years, while you'll discard him like an old pair of shoes, still getting alimony, the house and the kids.
  - deleted 8y ago
    [deleted]
fapjacks 8y ago
Wow, interesting. I comment around the internet as anonymously as possible on posts by people asking for help with their depression. Or people posting without knowing that they can ask for help. I've even posted a few times here on HN. My list of steps for immediate mitigation of the symptoms are almost exactly his steps: 1) Throw your clothes in the laundry. 2) Go for a short run. 3) Take a shower. 4) Put on clean clothes and eat a healthy meal. 5) (Which is implied in Wil's post but something I always say explicitly): Make an appointment with your doctor, or any doctor that will point you to the right doctor.
ndh2 8y ago
I lost most of my twenties to anxiety and depression. Started therapy at 29, finished university with only a Bachelor's degree at 31. The worst aspect was that through all this time my mind was always telling me that, yes, I have some problems, but what if I don't have anything at all? Maybe if I ever did see a doctor about it, I would be wasting their time. It wasn't even about whether or not they would take me seriously. My biggest fear was that a doctor would tell me that there's nothing wrong with me. It's really the worst of all the "what if"'s that Wil was talking about, because that was the one that kept me from getting help.

166 points by vimalvnair 8y ago

deleted 8y ago

[deleted]

1. Define depression. 2.Who doesn't. 3. no it doesn't run in your family. 4. There is no such thing as chemical imbalace that causes depression. 5. It's your own responsibility to fix it. 6. Stop glorifying it.

phailhaus 8y ago
Are you a doctor? Or just some random person who was sad once and believes they knows everything about depression now? You're a real piece of work.
- fuhler 8y ago
  someone presented a list of questions, many of them provocative and probably fallacies. You posted a regular ad hominem and and insult. ```you're a real piece of work``` will never be constructive
- dang 8y ago
  Personal attacks aren't ok here, regardless of how wrong another comment is. Please read https://news.ycombinator.com/newsguidelines.html https://news.ycombinator.com/newsguidelines.html and don't do this again. Edit: your previous comment also broke the guidelines badly. We ban accounts that do that, so if you'd read the rules and use this site as intended from now on, we'd appreciate it.

megamindbrian2 8y ago

I think I have that, how did he treat it?

0xcde4c3db 8y ago
An (unspecified) antidepressant and self-care, apparently.
JamesBarney 8y ago
He mentions he implies he started taking anti-depressants.

Waterluvian 8y ago

I encourage everyone to consider finding time for this lecture on depression: https://youtu.be/TIcf-2AFHgw https://youtu.be/TIcf-2AFHgw It helped me frame what depression the disease is compared to our broad usage of the word in everyday contexts. In particular it describes both the biology and psychology of depression.

thevardanian 8y ago
I absolutely adore Sapolsky, and suggest everyone also listen/watch his human behavioral biology lectures. They were infinitely more interesting to me than my intro to psyc class, and perhaps more informative.
camel_Snake 8y ago
This was fantastic. I watched this last night and wanted to come back and thank you for sharing.

narrator 8y ago

Here is a terrible awful fact most people are unaware of: The suicide rate has been going up steadily since 2000 and we are back where we were in the mid 1980s[1]. I found this out by listening to a speech from a mental health convention where the doctor giving the speech was blasting the commonly held idea that antidepressants had solved everything. [1] https://www.npr.org/sections/health-shots/2016/04/22/474888854/suicide-rates-climb-in-u-s-especially-among-adolescent-girls https://www.npr.org/sections/health-shots/2016/04/22/4748888...

Bucephalus355 8y ago
The suicide rate for 10-14 year olds has increased over 250% since 2007.
- georgebarnett 8y ago
  This is shocking. Could you please provide a reference so I may link others to this?
  - Bucephalus355 8y ago
    Dr. Jean Twenge from UC San Diego and CDC Mortality Statistics. BTW the 250% number is for boys only. For girls 10-14, it’s about 325%. https://www.theatlantic.com/magazine/archive/2017/09/has-the-smartphone-destroyed-a-generation/534198/ https://www.theatlantic.com/magazine/archive/2017/09/has-the...
  - deleted 8y ago
    [deleted]
- himom 8y ago
  Palo Alto has permanent 24/7 suicide-by-train watch at all major crossings. Those folks sit out all night, even in heavy downpours, under a flimsy vinyl personal shelter and what amounts to a beach chair.
tim333 8y ago
Though globally and over longer periods things are more complicated. The US adolescent thing while terrible is a special case https://upload.wikimedia.org/wikipedia/commons/0/05/Suicide-deaths-per-100000-trend.jpg https://upload.wikimedia.org/wikipedia/commons/0/05/Suicide-...

dingaling 8y ago

That must have been difficult to write, but it was also difficult to read. I don't think he needed to lash-out at the adults who didn't understand his illness; how was a director in a weekly TV show meant to diagnose and accommodate depression when he's handling dozens of people to a tight schedule? Its the same in any context of work, unfortunately. You're just a cog and if the cog jams, add more oil or replace it. That's probably not something a teenager would have understood, hence his frustrated efforts to find answers from adults he held in regard, and I don't know what the solution is. But sniping isn't it. I am glad that Mr Wheaton is in a better condition and hopefully this essay will help others, but it seemed unnecessarily cruel in places.

moron4hire 8y ago
I generally interpret "sniping" as "taking specific, precise shots, meant to inflict maximum damage". So it's hard to interpret Will's comments as sniping when there is no specific, precise target. He doesn't name names, or even productions. He just relates some general scenarios. And in those events, I don't really see where he tries to lay blame on these unnamed directors and publicists. I see him matter-of-factly describing situations. But the most positive way we could interpret these scenarios--they were themselves overworked that they couldn't see Will's problems--is no place for a child to be. No, it may not have been Rick Berman's job to make sure Will Wheaton was ok (though, as a producer, that is very, very debatable). But that almost certainly means Will just had no business being in the set of Star Trek (much less debatable for any TNG fan). As a child, you're not really in control of your reality.
blumomo 8y ago
> I am glad that Mr Wheaton is in a better condition and hopefully this essay will help others, but it seemed unnecessarily cruel in places. You're confusing the description of the subject with the subject that is being described: It's not the essay that is cruel. Cruel is what the essay reflects: the western live in a society where the last dollar is squeezed out of many people in that society. > He is doing the best he can, and if you all could stop seeing him as a way to put money into your pockets, maybe you could see that he’s suffering and needs help. This is cruel.
8y ago

Bucephalus355 8y ago

“Ending the stigma against mental illness”? If anything, as many sociologists have noted, having a mental illness is almost fashionable today. It is not a stigma by any means. Ever since right after WWII, when housewives seeing a psychoanalyst become so popular, the ability to claim a diagnosis and then talk about all the treatment you do has been something of a social signal. Having Chronic Depression is not a problem that is solved by increasing “acceptance”. Perhaps it just genuinely reflects the state of our world, or maybe simply the tragedy of what it means to be human, to suffer from original sin. I do not doubt Mr. Wheaton’s illness or pain. But his focus on “acceptance” as the ultimate end is frustrating.

beders 8y ago
It's not fashionable to suffer from chronic depression dude. Not AT ALL. And there was no 'original sin'. That is just a bunch of baloney.
pryce 8y ago
I don't enjoy seeing comments dismissing the stigma of mental illness. I have seen friends in industry targeted and pushed out after disclosing mental illnesses, and the simple fact that awareness campaigns exist and you happen to see them doesn't mean that stigma doesn't exist. Awareness campaigns are a response to stigma and a recognition of the damage it does. Mistaking their presence for the stigma being removed is an error of familiarity and attention (you notice the awareness campaign more than you notice the stigma). Lastly, consider that the point of the awareness campaign is to lessen unnecessary suffering, not to cure Chronic Depression, so to dismiss it as failing at a criterion that was never the intention behind it seems odd.
camel_Snake 8y ago
The acceptance of mental health issues can manifest itself in many ways. There is much more to it than just discussing anonymously online or going to see a psychiatrist. Acceptance means I can tell interviewers honestly that the gap in my resume is because I was dealing with undiagnosed mental health issues and have that not be any worse than "I saved up money and wanted to travel and enjoy myself." Acceptance means I can talk honestly with my friends and family about my lack of self worth and still believe they'll care about me. Chronic depression certainly isn't 'solved by increasing acceptance'. But it does lower the barrier to seeking treatment and addressing the root causes.

mephitix 8y ago

This hits pretty close to home. I've been seeing therapists for my anxiety but they haven't really helped much, and occasionally there are times when I just have a pretty bad day. I have a lot of fear, but there is no physical manifestation of it - it is fear of lack of worth, lack of success, lack of love, lack of acknowledgement. I overanalyze everything that I do and everything others say or do to me. I could probably point to many things in my past to blame but I'm done trying to retro-analyze myself and just want to fix things. I'm afraid of trying anti-depressants but I've been seriously thinking about getting a dog (I liked that Wil mentioned that his dogs help him :). I've always wanted one and I feel like at the least doggo would give me some comfort and put things in perspective. I really appreciate Wil writing his thoughts down and giving suggestions. It definitely helps a lot. I actually keep a running list of tiny things that I've found that help me - things to think about and do, in a moment of anxiety or sadness. One day I hope to share that with others too.

gh02t 8y ago
Pets can be helpful, but I really want to say also that you shouldn't be afraid to try antidepressants. There are all sorts of stigmas about how they make you a zombie etc, but the fact is that they do work for people and I know plenty of people who lead normal lives thanks to medicine, myself included, without experiencing that sort of thing. They do not work for everybody, and they do make you feel kinda ill the first few days, but for most people that is temporary and things get better from there. All I am saying is that it is worth at least discussing with a doctor if you haven't and it may help if therapy has been ineffective. My own case is not that severe, but I know several people who have had their lives change dramatically for the better after starting proper meds after years of suffering because they believed all the stigma around antidepressants and depression in general. It can be hard for someone who is depressed and needs medicine to understand what the drugs are for, because they don't have any perspective on what it's like to feel "normal." Just gaining a bit of that perspective can be enough to help people manage it. Either way, I hope you can feel better soon. I know what it feels like.
- mephitix 8y ago
  Hmm, yeah maybe I'll talk to a doctor about it. Possibly a psychiatrist? I was actually considering trying CBD oil because I heard some strains work well for anxiety. I know there aren't long-term studies on it but it seems to have less side-effects than anti-depressants. But a doctor would know best, like you said. I'll reconsider anti-depressants. Thanks for the advice!

david-cako 8y ago

The part where he described saying goodbye and playing out that being the last time he'd see someone got me. I've found that health anxiety and irrational fears are by far the worst rabbit holes to start falling into. I've had periods of years where my mind is entirely consumed by these things. I feel like fears rooted in reality are at least tangible enough to not be horrifying. The things that make me talented feel like mind diseases. Pattern recognition is so easily polluted with ruminations and cyclical thinking. The only way I've been able to cope is by becoming numb. The more uncertainty I acknowledge as existing, the worse I feel. I don't feel particularly good though. Nothing in the world feels like "enough" to occupy my mind anywhere near as much as the negative things. SSRIs can aid in that numbing. For me it has somewhat. I haven't found that they have given me any sort of increase in motivation or excitement for life, though.

fleitz 8y ago

Shut up, Wesley

harlanji 8y ago

The equation of power is shifting from “Money and willingness to do Evil” to “Persuasiveness and reach,” according to Scott Adams. So while previously cries for help like this meant nothing and were an invitation to private torment, now they can work for this author with this audience. I’m extensively documenting my plight into what looks like a homeless end game, going on for 5mo now, and I am pretty sure most depression symptoms/feelings are actually disappointment/shock/dejection inflicted by those who help was sought from. Where are those friends and mentors? Theirs probably taught them to be heartless by example, people pass on their injuries. I’m not MRM but I can’t say there aren’t valid points like male disposability. Thankfully I am able to detach from my emotions and go about my days in joyful solitude but I’d rather just move on and not be put into boxes based on the past; interesting how many comedians are child abuse survivors. My view of humans as savage with a capacity for empathy emerged, as opposed to the opposite I’d felt in my years as a beloved winner/good friend/etc with an envied life. “Comedy is truth and pain,” indeed. I am now ostracized for looking conservative in SF, ex-BF even questioned if I am racist while wearing a shiny Fuck Trump shirt to my house. Silver lining is I am now much more able to feel the ostracization my younger brother felt in his short life, a tearful “nobody believes me” is burned into my memory from one conversation with him as kids. Kudos to OP for finding a platform, but this level of emoting still sends most people straight into “needs help not associating whisper whisper” mode. Even guys you feel are sensitive and who you have helped aren’t there, in fact they are the first to start picking up social capital you’re losing. As an outside observer of my own plight I can laugh along with the people who’ve received my communications asking for help, and predict their power moves, knowing one day perhaps our roles will be reversed and I can bend their minds with kindnesss. Hope things keep going for OP but we’re nowhere near acceptance of men without a platform having feelings and tears not made out of money. We create our own reality and too many people are scared to step out of the box and try stuff like this, in any case, and I hope it’s beneficial.

deleted 8y ago

[deleted]

diimdeep 8y ago

Well written, this is also had profound effect on me https://gekk.info/articles/adhd.html https://gekk.info/articles/adhd.html

78_fincdian 8y ago

> as a white, heterosexual, cisgender man in America, I live life on the lowest difficulty setting Seriously, what is this shit? Is there a grant I'm not aware of that's given to straight white men? Free housing somewhere? I'm white and straight and American and I'm pretty sure my children's education is paid for by my near constant work (and my wife's) not by the magical fairy dust that was sprinkled on me at birth. In no way am I saying Wil does not suffer from depression, but the "my life is perfect, how could I possibly be depressed?" spin rings false. Child stars that go on to find middling success and depression (and substance abuse) later in life is more the norm than the exception isn't it? As far as I know he never almost died because of drugs, never had a public meltdown and is still gainfully employed, so I'd say he navigated things better than most. I can't speak from experience, but in no way would I say that the life of a child star is easy. It's probably one of the hardest things you could ask a young person to do. But I have no sympathy for someone who gives in to prevailing rhetoric about "privilege". That is just as moronic as saying "women can't program" or "black people are good at sports".

mercer 8y ago
I'd say applying the 'principle of charity' would help here. He's probably in an environment where this is a hot button issue, so he's addressing it specifically to avoid your kind of derailing comment (but I guess from what some would call the SJW audience). More importantly, he's describing a feeling that many people with depression suffer from, a kind of 'impostor syndrome' that can make the whole thing worse and actively prevent people from finding help. I've felt it too, and I've known plenty of people who are the opposite of 'white, heterosexual, cisgender man' who have felt it too. You think so little of yourself that you don't even allow yourself to be depressed, because others have it so much worse. It doesn't help, and it's bullshit. I do find myself confused that the fact that he considers himself privileged and wants to use this for good is somehow offensive enough to you to make you lose all sympathy. Is that how you actually feel, or are you exaggerating?
sjellis 8y ago
"Seriously, what is this shit? Is there a grant I'm not aware of that's given to straight white men" You can get a little badge that says "respectable citizen, handle with care". You don't see it, but people in authority do.

Tomte 8y ago

http://wilwheaton.net/2012/09/depression-lies/ http://wilwheaton.net/2012/09/depression-lies/ is shorter and better. Also from the viewpoint of his wife: https://www.annewheaton.com/the-other-side-of-depression/ https://www.annewheaton.com/the-other-side-of-depression/

himom 8y ago

Only depression and anxiety? That sucks, and I wouldn’t wish those on anyone... but try also having ADD, mild Asperger’s, home drama, stuttering (silent block, way more awkward than repeating)... oh and being not a celebrity, unemployable, unpersonable, broke and homeless. It’s all my fault, I know, I’m lazy for going to interviews and people not liking me for reasons/feedback they’ll never mention. Depression isn’t good or victim-hierarchy laudible, get rid of it with CBT, group, exercise, diet, work, socializing, meds... whatever. Anxiety is shit too but I down about 12 hydroxyzine a day.

falcolas 8y ago

Meta: Currently buried on page 5, with 140 upvotes. This right here says more about our feelings about mental illness than anything else.

JCSato 8y ago
I would be inclined to say it says more about our feelings on Will Wheaton. . .

RickJWagner 8y ago

Shut up, Wesley!

rcoroda 8y ago

I'm going to say something that probably get me banned from this SJW cesspool that HN have become: his depression is a sign of his gut telling him he is not a real man. He is a soy boy, so obsessed with looking like he is not a sexist/racist/homophobe that he cant appreciate anything else in life and blame others for not accepting him. He just need to man up.

jochung 8y ago
More nuanced take: men are finally acting like women have told them to act for decades: talk about your feelings, open up, be in touch with your inner self... not realizing that only works for women because women's feelings matter and verbalizing them often enough will cause others to take action sooner or later. The reason men had the "irritating" habit of offering solutions is because it was inconceivable to most that you'd complain and expect that to actually accomplish anything. It's like an attractive person telling the ugly that they just need to approach the world with a more positive attitude and good things will come in return. No honey, that's only because they want to have sex with you. Other people don't get shit for free. As Warren Farrel said: men's facade of strength is their weakness, women's facade of weakness is their strength. When a man displays weakness, he forfeits his right to get help. Two generations now have been utterly miseducated on gender by a feminized education system that treated masculinity as a condition to be medicated away and passive femininity as the role model, not realizing boys need adversity in their youth to prepare them for the complete heartlessness they'll receive as adults. "But I love my husband!" Yes, until the marriage is over, after which he'll be devastated and pining for years, while you'll discard him like an old pair of shoes, still getting alimony, the house and the kids.
- deleted 8y ago
  [deleted]

fapjacks 8y ago

Wow, interesting. I comment around the internet as anonymously as possible on posts by people asking for help with their depression. Or people posting without knowing that they can ask for help. I've even posted a few times here on HN. My list of steps for immediate mitigation of the symptoms are almost exactly his steps: 1) Throw your clothes in the laundry. 2) Go for a short run. 3) Take a shower. 4) Put on clean clothes and eat a healthy meal. 5) (Which is implied in Wil's post but something I always say explicitly): Make an appointment with your doctor, or any doctor that will point you to the right doctor.

ndh2 8y ago

I lost most of my twenties to anxiety and depression. Started therapy at 29, finished university with only a Bachelor's degree at 31. The worst aspect was that through all this time my mind was always telling me that, yes, I have some problems, but what if I don't have anything at all? Maybe if I ever did see a doctor about it, I would be wasting their time. It wasn't even about whether or not they would take me seriously. My biggest fear was that a doctor would tell me that there's nothing wrong with me. It's really the worst of all the "what if"'s that Wil was talking about, because that was the one that kept me from getting help.