7 ms·

> Your other, horrible comment comparing BPD to incontinence makes me want to say something really nasty, emotional, and visceral to you, but I’m strongly resis

by adekok 9y ago

> Your other, horrible comment comparing BPD to incontinence makes me want to say something really nasty, emotional, and visceral to you, but I’m strongly resisting because it would just reinforce your fucked up belief structure about people who are genuinely suffering on a level that you can’t even comprehend. As is typical in borderlines, you missed my point entirely. My comment was about the impact this disorder has on others. Because of the disorder, your pain is so large that you are blind to the impact that the disorder has on others. That's the problem. I sympathize with you, I really, really, do. I wouldn't wish it on anyone. But ultimately, it's your disorder, and is your responsibility to fix. If you want to help yourself, read: https://news.ycombinator.com/threads?id=throwaway29845 https://news.ycombinator.com/threads?id=throwaway29845 Then, take the advice to heart. You will be happier by far. One problem with the disorder is that the lows are tempered by highs. It's exciting to be emotionally involved, to think the world of someone, to be on the "high". And then it crashes, and you feel like shit. I've read a lot about BPD, and things written by BPD sufferers. Despite the lows, most are also addicted to the highs. And they can't deal with the underlying disorder until they break the addiction. As an example: > I fall in love easily because I want absolutely nothing more than to feel that connection with another human being. That's the emotional high I'm talking about. You can get away from the lows. But the cost is that the highs are also mitigated. This is how most people live. There are few extremes. Just every day fumbling through life. Life is this: just living. > I genuinely hope you find it in yourself to develop empathy for people who aren’t as advantaged and in control of their lives as you. That is another typical BPD comment. You know nothing about my pain, my experience, or my journey. But because you're in pain, then my life must be wonderful. Stop splitting. Decide to just live. Decide to not inflict pain or suffering on others. Work on the addiction to the highs. If you want to talk more, email me. My email address is in my profile.

jsmthrowaway 9y ago
See? Got me figured out from a label. I didn’t miss your point. The part that made that comment horrible is “you’re not allowed to come over until you stop peeing on my couch,” like human beings with a regrettable, painful, mortifyingly embarrassing condition are untrained dogs to you. Like it’s something they can just stop. That’s what you said: figure it out, then I’ll let you sit on my couch. I considered the possibility that I misinterpreted you here, then noticed that I wasn’t the only one, if so. Then you did the exact same thing here, too. “Stop splitting.” “Decide to stop hurting people.” “Just flick off this light switch that’s taken years of therapy to even understand, buddy! Just live! Just be!” Okay, Julia. You’re talking about serious, life changing journeys that require a lot of help and support along the way, and paying them the same respect as taking the car through the wash. I’m not blind to my impact on other people. As is typical in armchair psychologists, you missed the entire part of my comment where I talk about how intensely aware I am of my impact on others. That’s this entire comment: oh, he has this condition, let me ignore everything he said and talk to him with my years of psychological training. Maybe that will get through. I’m not splitting with you and acknowledge that I know nothing about your pain or journey. I know only what you’ve chosen to share in commentary here, and brother, it’s enough of a display of malempathy to make me conclude that your opinion matters very little to me. I didn’t even need my disorder to make that determination. The follow up didn’t do a lot to help.
- dsego 9y ago
  Wow! Just wow. A clear BPD moment here, interesting to observe. The amount of mental gymnastics and twisting to turn it around is astonishing. Edit: the parent ending was changed I think to be more amicable.
  - jsmthrowaway 9y ago
    Do you have anything productive to add, such as responding directly to my dissection of the lack of empathy I’m talking to, or are you just projecting your brother onto me because you think you understand a label? If I didn’t give a shit, I wouldn’t be trying to explain it to him. Rebukes are based in corrective intent. If this were really a “BPD moment” (sigh) I would have split him to irrelevance and ignored him like he doesn’t matter to me. But I believe people can change, and I think a disregard for the suffering of other people is something that’s a little easier to change than others. Even yours. Your brother deserves it. This is the first time I’ve ever acknowledged my condition online. I’m already regretting it, based on the labeling dismissal of my opinions.
    - dsego 9y ago
      I'm most likely projecting my brother. But my man, it's hard not to. I've just read your comments to my wife without telling her the context, and she said "sounds just like your brother". I mean no harm, I wish you all the best, but I couldn't resist reacting, it touched a nerve I guess. My brother always talks about how he helps friends and family, he tries to understand everyone, feels empathy. But there's never anything to show for it. I know I'm just an object to him, a shell, we all are, to take the abuse. If I drive him somewhere (he doesn't drive) he will not appreciate it, because that is my role in his life. He will even text uncles and friends late at night to drive him or do some other favor. But none of it counts, because he is the only one who feels, he listened to me when I had problems, and empathized. I guess I need to bow in front of him, the majesty, only person in the world who feels. When I read your comments, I get the same vibe, it hits all the right spots. It's uncanny really.
      - 9y ago
deleted 9y ago
[deleted]
deleted 9y ago
[deleted]
DanBC 9y ago
> As is typical in borderlines, what an absolutely vile thing to say. This is a repugnant comment, and you should be ashamed of it.
- forapurpose 9y ago
  Agreed. This whole thread is abusive and vile, maybe the worst thing I've seen on HN. jsmthrowaway - if you ever read this, you have my empathy and support. Ignore these a-holes; they are just ignorant and loud. Unfortunately there are many sick people in the world who don't understand mental illness, but remember that there are many people who do understand.
  - jsmthrowaway 9y ago
    Thank you.
taohansen 9y ago
also BPD here, and also inclined to point out you’re misrepresenting the other as much as he may be misrepresenting you. those of us who accept our diagnosis and work toward treatment (and it is a small subset) are often deeply aware of the impact our condition has on others. often i feel i go the distance to cultivate the good more than others in my circle because i am so distinctly made aware of my own inhered failings in the social arena. how may i help you? how may i make your life a more pleasant experience? how may i alleviate your burdens? these are all questions at the forefront of my mind when communicating with humans generally and even more with those i have invested time and effort. it’s a real effort which i am inclined to point out you may not fully be aware yourself of the enormity of despite saying so. you don’t live in this mind where every emotion is like a firestorm. we may talk of our disorder as a real sickness, as an illness to be eradicated but you on the other end have not felt what it was like to fall so deeply in love that self and other disappear in a moment of self-self knowing. if humans knew all other humans in such a fashion, humankind might be better off. my goal is to eliminate the poisons and elevate what i know to be good in me. we can get better. i have seen the results myself. please don’t write us off as a population. i’d urge the mentally healthy to also strive to be even more tolerant, compassionate and selfless than you may already think yourself to be. being human (”healthy” as it were) can be seen itself as a kind of mental condition that one is enslaved to: extraordinary people like the Buddha have made such observations. we’re in this thing together.
dang 9y ago
> As is typical in borderlines This is a shocking personal attack and particularly painful to see here. You've followed it up with other things that are just as bad. This is not allowed on HN. I've banned this account, mostly because you behaved so badly here, but also because you've engaged in flamewars and personal swipes in the past. We really don't want that kind of discussion on Hacker News. If you'd like to commit to using this site properly in the future—which means only posting scrupulously respectful remarks—you're welcome to email hn@ycombinator.com and ask to be unbanned.

by adekok 9y ago

jsmthrowaway 9y ago

See? Got me figured out from a label. I didn’t miss your point. The part that made that comment horrible is “you’re not allowed to come over until you stop peeing on my couch,” like human beings with a regrettable, painful, mortifyingly embarrassing condition are untrained dogs to you. Like it’s something they can just stop. That’s what you said: figure it out, then I’ll let you sit on my couch. I considered the possibility that I misinterpreted you here, then noticed that I wasn’t the only one, if so. Then you did the exact same thing here, too. “Stop splitting.” “Decide to stop hurting people.” “Just flick off this light switch that’s taken years of therapy to even understand, buddy! Just live! Just be!” Okay, Julia. You’re talking about serious, life changing journeys that require a lot of help and support along the way, and paying them the same respect as taking the car through the wash. I’m not blind to my impact on other people. As is typical in armchair psychologists, you missed the entire part of my comment where I talk about how intensely aware I am of my impact on others. That’s this entire comment: oh, he has this condition, let me ignore everything he said and talk to him with my years of psychological training. Maybe that will get through. I’m not splitting with you and acknowledge that I know nothing about your pain or journey. I know only what you’ve chosen to share in commentary here, and brother, it’s enough of a display of malempathy to make me conclude that your opinion matters very little to me. I didn’t even need my disorder to make that determination. The follow up didn’t do a lot to help.

dsego 9y ago
Wow! Just wow. A clear BPD moment here, interesting to observe. The amount of mental gymnastics and twisting to turn it around is astonishing. Edit: the parent ending was changed I think to be more amicable.
- jsmthrowaway 9y ago
  Do you have anything productive to add, such as responding directly to my dissection of the lack of empathy I’m talking to, or are you just projecting your brother onto me because you think you understand a label? If I didn’t give a shit, I wouldn’t be trying to explain it to him. Rebukes are based in corrective intent. If this were really a “BPD moment” (sigh) I would have split him to irrelevance and ignored him like he doesn’t matter to me. But I believe people can change, and I think a disregard for the suffering of other people is something that’s a little easier to change than others. Even yours. Your brother deserves it. This is the first time I’ve ever acknowledged my condition online. I’m already regretting it, based on the labeling dismissal of my opinions.
  - dsego 9y ago
    I'm most likely projecting my brother. But my man, it's hard not to. I've just read your comments to my wife without telling her the context, and she said "sounds just like your brother". I mean no harm, I wish you all the best, but I couldn't resist reacting, it touched a nerve I guess. My brother always talks about how he helps friends and family, he tries to understand everyone, feels empathy. But there's never anything to show for it. I know I'm just an object to him, a shell, we all are, to take the abuse. If I drive him somewhere (he doesn't drive) he will not appreciate it, because that is my role in his life. He will even text uncles and friends late at night to drive him or do some other favor. But none of it counts, because he is the only one who feels, he listened to me when I had problems, and empathized. I guess I need to bow in front of him, the majesty, only person in the world who feels. When I read your comments, I get the same vibe, it hits all the right spots. It's uncanny really.
    - 9y ago

deleted 9y ago

[deleted]

deleted 9y ago

[deleted]

DanBC 9y ago

> As is typical in borderlines, what an absolutely vile thing to say. This is a repugnant comment, and you should be ashamed of it.

forapurpose 9y ago
Agreed. This whole thread is abusive and vile, maybe the worst thing I've seen on HN. jsmthrowaway - if you ever read this, you have my empathy and support. Ignore these a-holes; they are just ignorant and loud. Unfortunately there are many sick people in the world who don't understand mental illness, but remember that there are many people who do understand.
- jsmthrowaway 9y ago
  Thank you.

taohansen 9y ago

also BPD here, and also inclined to point out you’re misrepresenting the other as much as he may be misrepresenting you. those of us who accept our diagnosis and work toward treatment (and it is a small subset) are often deeply aware of the impact our condition has on others. often i feel i go the distance to cultivate the good more than others in my circle because i am so distinctly made aware of my own inhered failings in the social arena. how may i help you? how may i make your life a more pleasant experience? how may i alleviate your burdens? these are all questions at the forefront of my mind when communicating with humans generally and even more with those i have invested time and effort. it’s a real effort which i am inclined to point out you may not fully be aware yourself of the enormity of despite saying so. you don’t live in this mind where every emotion is like a firestorm. we may talk of our disorder as a real sickness, as an illness to be eradicated but you on the other end have not felt what it was like to fall so deeply in love that self and other disappear in a moment of self-self knowing. if humans knew all other humans in such a fashion, humankind might be better off. my goal is to eliminate the poisons and elevate what i know to be good in me. we can get better. i have seen the results myself. please don’t write us off as a population. i’d urge the mentally healthy to also strive to be even more tolerant, compassionate and selfless than you may already think yourself to be. being human (”healthy” as it were) can be seen itself as a kind of mental condition that one is enslaved to: extraordinary people like the Buddha have made such observations. we’re in this thing together.

dang 9y ago

> As is typical in borderlines This is a shocking personal attack and particularly painful to see here. You've followed it up with other things that are just as bad. This is not allowed on HN. I've banned this account, mostly because you behaved so badly here, but also because you've engaged in flamewars and personal swipes in the past. We really don't want that kind of discussion on Hacker News. If you'd like to commit to using this site properly in the future—which means only posting scrupulously respectful remarks—you're welcome to email hn@ycombinator.com and ask to be unbanned.