5 ms·

It's fun to meet people, but maintaining functional relationships with people is not about fun. The "balance of terror" thing was meant not too literally. In ot

by Rod 16y ago

It's fun to meet people, but maintaining functional relationships with people is not about fun. The "balance of terror" thing was meant not too literally. In other words, if one always fears losing the other, then one will invest in the relationship. If there's no fear, then she'll gain 20 pounds and he'll become a lazy, useless slob... and then it's all doomed. There's nothing unconditional in this world, especially when it comes to "love".

gruseom 16y ago
Love begins where power ends.
- Rod 16y ago
  "LOVE, n. A temporary insanity curable by marriage or by removal of the patient from the influences under which he incurred the disorder. This disease, like caries and many other ailments, is prevalent only among civilized races living under artificial conditions; barbarous nations breathing pure air and eating simple food enjoy immunity from its ravages. It is sometimes fatal, but more frequently to the physician than to the patient." - Ambrose Bierce
philwelch 16y ago
"If there's no fear, then she'll gain 20 pounds and he'll become a lazy, useless slob... and then it's all doomed." If the only thing that keeps someone motivated in life is the fear of dying alone, I'd rather not be involved with that person. In fact, I'd much rather not even know that person.
- Rod 16y ago
  "If the only thing that keeps someone motivated in life is the fear of dying alone, I'd rather not be involved with that person. In fact, I'd much rather not even know that person." I am with you on this one. A 22 y.o. who's in a bland relationship because of fear of dying alone does not deserve my respect. But fear of dying alone is not the only fear. Everyone craves for approval, and everyone is hurt by rejection. Moreover, losing someone with whom one had a deep connection is painful, and normal humans tend to avoid pain. Therefore, I would say that fear in a relationship is a cocktail of various different fears, some better than others. Having said that, I still claim that fearing losing the other is a good thing, as lack of any kind of fear is a symptom that something is fundamentally wrong.
  - philwelch 16y ago
    What motivates me to live well is my fear is of losing the respect and approval of myself, and what motivates me to love and respect my partner is the genuine love and respect I feel for my partner. I don't think anything is fundamentally wrong with that. I'm normally a big proponent of fear, but in other parts of life--not love.
    - Rod 16y ago
      I am done with talking about relationships. Since you brought up Violent Acres on the other post, I merely add that someone has put my thoughts into prose more eloquently at http://www.violentacres.com/archives/100/dating-is-competitive-manipulation/ http://www.violentacres.com/archives/100/dating-is-competiti...

by Rod 16y ago

gruseom 16y ago

Love begins where power ends.

Rod 16y ago
"LOVE, n. A temporary insanity curable by marriage or by removal of the patient from the influences under which he incurred the disorder. This disease, like caries and many other ailments, is prevalent only among civilized races living under artificial conditions; barbarous nations breathing pure air and eating simple food enjoy immunity from its ravages. It is sometimes fatal, but more frequently to the physician than to the patient." - Ambrose Bierce

philwelch 16y ago

"If there's no fear, then she'll gain 20 pounds and he'll become a lazy, useless slob... and then it's all doomed." If the only thing that keeps someone motivated in life is the fear of dying alone, I'd rather not be involved with that person. In fact, I'd much rather not even know that person.

Rod 16y ago
"If the only thing that keeps someone motivated in life is the fear of dying alone, I'd rather not be involved with that person. In fact, I'd much rather not even know that person." I am with you on this one. A 22 y.o. who's in a bland relationship because of fear of dying alone does not deserve my respect. But fear of dying alone is not the only fear. Everyone craves for approval, and everyone is hurt by rejection. Moreover, losing someone with whom one had a deep connection is painful, and normal humans tend to avoid pain. Therefore, I would say that fear in a relationship is a cocktail of various different fears, some better than others. Having said that, I still claim that fearing losing the other is a good thing, as lack of any kind of fear is a symptom that something is fundamentally wrong.
- philwelch 16y ago
  What motivates me to live well is my fear is of losing the respect and approval of myself, and what motivates me to love and respect my partner is the genuine love and respect I feel for my partner. I don't think anything is fundamentally wrong with that. I'm normally a big proponent of fear, but in other parts of life--not love.
  - Rod 16y ago
    I am done with talking about relationships. Since you brought up Violent Acres on the other post, I merely add that someone has put my thoughts into prose more eloquently at http://www.violentacres.com/archives/100/dating-is-competitive-manipulation/ http://www.violentacres.com/archives/100/dating-is-competiti...