5 ms·

Ways to Cultivate Gratitude at Work

131 points by gkst 10y ago

qznc 10y ago
Our group uses a chat bot, which plays silly games at random times. Sometimes the challenge is like "Say thanks to somebody to earn some points". Those points are useless gamification tokens, but maybe it helps to encourage gratitude. There was always somebody who took that challenge so far.
- maneesh 10y ago
  That's cool! Which bot?
  - qznc 10y ago
    Custom. We started with a small Jabber bot framework. Then migrated it to IRC (and terminal for testing). We cannot publicize all the plugins we made. If we rip out the plugins, it is just a bot framework like many others, just with less features and more convoluted code. Ok, our filter mechanism is probably unique. We can switch the bot to various german dialects like bavarian, swabian, etc. Works similar to http://rinkworks.com/dialect/works.shtml http://rinkworks.com/dialect/works.shtml but changes bot output instead of web pages. It was fun for a week and now nobody uses it anymore. I once tried to migrate our plugins to Errbot [0], but then decided it was too much effort for too little gain. [0] http://errbot.io/ http://errbot.io/
- pjlegato 10y ago
  Rather, it encourages people to become good at simulating gratitude in a plausible manner. It devalues the entire notion of gratitude to engage in that sort of petty manipulation. Gratitude is rendered into a base and superficial thing.
  - qznc 10y ago
    Now that you mention it, I think that maybe our team spirit was better when we had regular Quake matches... ;)
vvanders 10y ago
> 2. Thank the people who never get thanked I always make a point of telling anyone in IT at whatever company I worked for that I appreciated what they did and knew it was a thankless job. It's one of those areas where if you do a perfect job no one knows you're there and you're only high-profile when you screw up. I've found over the years that they'll pay back that kindness ten-fold and often when you're in some sort of gnarly bind where time is critical.
- madaxe_again 10y ago
  I thank everyone for everything they do for me - not because I should but because I'm genuinely grateful whenever someone does what was requested of them. I've not found that it's something that's repaid. If anything, folks are more motivated by the guy who shouts at them and never thanks them, because they want his impossible to win approval. The thankful person gets ignored. There's probably a happy medium to be had somewhere.
  - BeetleB 10y ago
    I think you're being downvoted a little too harshly. My comment to your experiences: I've been in your shoes. The solution was not to become cynical, but merely to find a better work environment. When I was leaving my old job, the refrain from my peers was: "You're just running away. You'll face these problems in all jobs." Never been happier that others were wrong.
    - madaxe_again 10y ago
      I suppose I should thank people because I should, not because I want to.
- sambeau 10y ago
  My old boss had the motto: "Treat the cleaners like they're The Queen; treat The Queen like she's a cleaner" I took this to mean: treat cleaners with respect & appreciation; do not fawn and scrape to your bosses. Similarly: "grief travels up, praise travels down" and "be nice to those you meet on your way up as you may well meet them again on your way down". I use all of these mantras on a daily basis and I believe they work. I can't guarantee my food is spittle free but I have never had reason to believe otherwise. I confess I have been known to break this rule with phone spammers.
dominotw 10y ago
Is it really gratitude if you cultivate it? Can you really become mindful/thankful/x via pure practice? If it makes sense and is logical why can't you instantly become thankful, why do you practice? I see ton's of people in daily life who have cultivated modesty (eg: politicians, ceo's ect) . It is so obvious that its fake, why do ppl do this?
- chadgeidel 10y ago
  It's not "fake gratitude", it's "verbalizing real gratitude". The article is about cultivating an environment where gratitude is known.
  - qxt 10y ago
    To add on to this, this thinking of "fake" vs "real" gratitude falls into the typical Socratic thinking of "I can tell you what isn't XXX but I can't tell you what it is cause I'm not wise yada yada." As human beings we like to think we can tell human beings intentions. However, as miscommunication proves, we often can't, at least accurately. Having individuals go through the motions of generosity, humility, and gratitude is just as good as teaching people those intentions e.g. play the part long enough and you stop playing.
    - dominotw 10y ago
      > teaching people those intentions why do we need to teach people though? If its obvious that gratitude is good why can't we simply adopt it in an instant. Unless you mean 'anti gratitude' is inherent to all human minds and needs to be constantly suppressed and overpowered through practice.
      - somestag 10y ago
        Call it "teaching," "training," "learning," "conditioning," or whatever else you like, but it seems pretty self-evident that people change how they think and feel based on their experiences. Some of those experiences involve acting a certain way and seeing how others react. Think about it the other way—in terms of negative emotions. A person with anger problems might practice suppressing blowups and taking a moment to try to deal with the anger before moving on. Would you accuse them of being fake-not-angry? Of course not. They're practicing healthy behavior, and over time the practice becomes natural and they don't even have to think about it anymore. They have become a genuinely less angry person by practicing non-angry behaviors. Practicing gratitude is the same thing, except you're reinforcing a positive emotion rather than suppressing a negative one. You can become a genuinely more thankful person by reminding yourself to express gratitude. I question any person's ability to truly read the thoughts or emotions of another. At any given moment, a person's thoughts and feelings are very complex and entangled, yet when we interpret their actions we reduce them down to a simple emotion or intention. That oversimplification is always inaccurate, and we should work to develop more complex understandings of other people. So when someone looks like they're faking modesty, they may in fact feel somewhat modest, or at least be faking it for "good" reasons. There is, of course, a difference between "saying what you're supposed to say" and "trying to be more outwardly grateful," but in reality the lines blur a lot and neither is a bad thing. This may be an unpopular opinion, but when it comes to public discourse, I'll take fake expressions of gratitude over genuine expressions of contempt any day of the week.
br_smartass 10y ago
- Here's the money - Thanks
sebastianconcpt 10y ago
Just wanted to say something about this part: "In short, Americans actively suppress gratitude on the job, even to the point of robbing themselves of happiness. Why? It may be because in theory, no one gives away anything at work; every exchange is fundamentally economic." <- this does not matches with my work experiences with americans at all. On the contrary I noticed careful attention to appreciate every bit.
- 8ytecoder 10y ago
  I agree - this matches my experience too. Americans are blunt but that goes both ways. They appreciate a good deed while at the same time make their disapproval heard too.
  - pjlegato 10y ago
    I would point out that "Americans" are not a homogenous entity, culturally or otherwise. The United States is huge and has many distinct local cultural regions, with radically different behavioral norms that are obscured through the use of a common language and political system. San Francisco is vastly different than New Jersey, for example, and both are vastly different than, say, the rural south.
debt 10y ago
yo gratitude is nice but mainly make sure you're at a minimum in a good working environment. again, gratitude is nice, but it's not necessary for a healthy working environment. i think many people here would be surprised how many people don't give a shit about things like gratitude etc but just want a working/decent coffee maker in the office. a healthy working environment is the most important.
kvcrawford 10y ago
On that note, I'm gonna give a shout out to QA. Thanks guys.
ommunist 10y ago
Thank you.
Gravityloss 10y ago
Thanking can be the new humble brag.
buckbova 10y ago
> people are less likely to feel or express gratitude at work than anyplace else. And they’re not thankful for their current jobs, ranking them dead last in a list of things they’re grateful for. First off I don't want to be thanked or praised, I want to be PAID. If I do a great job give me more money, a day off, or something tangible. I don't want a non-monetary gift either. I have a drawer full of work trophies. It's nonsense. Why should I be thankful I have a job? I've earned this. I used to have a manager that would thank me all the time and then praise me for the littlest thing. It lost any meaning it may have had and often feels more manipulative than anything. Student of the one minute manager https://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/The_One_Minute_Manager https://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/The_One_Minute_Manager. I thank my co-workers all the time though because they don't have to be nice or helpful. And I nearly always help a co-worker when they ask for it and sometimes when they don't. I typically get a thank you. Thanks and praise from my teammates goes well beyond anything from a higher up. Maybe I'm cynical, but it nearly always feels like I'm being placated in some way. Edit: I think it goes further to respect and listen to the opinions of your fellow co-workers and your employees. Take all opinions into consideration. Do not dismiss anything immediately. Acknowledge those who've contributed yes, when taking any sort of credit when speaking to other higher-ups or outside the department. Also respect a person's work. Don't throw it away for a complete rewrite because that's easier than trying to understand it and don't suggest a revision without fully considering what already exists.
- pjlegato 10y ago
  Indeed, you have summed up a huge problem with SF area culture: many people think that these fake-nice platitudes are meaningful, and also use them against others on a large scale in their daily life as a form of pervasive emotional manipulation -- often to avoid paying someone money.
  - maxxxxx 10y ago
    Honesty is the key. If you can fake it you are golden.
- roflc0ptic 10y ago
  I'm moving towards a lead dev role, running a small group (3 other devs). I always try to thank people, and include enough specific detail that it's plausible. One dev, fresh to a problem, recently identified a place where if we used a multi-map instead of a map, it would solve problems that had plagued us for months. My response was "Fuck yeah, we've been trying to figure out how to work around that for months. Good catch." I praised another dev who just joined for getting a whole lot more done in her first two weeks than I expected. Entirely new language and tech stack on a sophisticated application. It's impressive. I said so. Remuneration aside, they're humans who benefit from positive validation. It seems well recieved. Maybe an important point is I actually am grateful that they're good at their jobs. Man, working with competent people who aren't phoning it in is a pleasure. And yeah, in the abstract, my position with my employer is basically "fuck you, pay me." But that's just a sine qua non. Whether or not I like being there is contingent on how I'm treated.

131 points by gkst 10y ago

qznc 10y ago

Our group uses a chat bot, which plays silly games at random times. Sometimes the challenge is like "Say thanks to somebody to earn some points". Those points are useless gamification tokens, but maybe it helps to encourage gratitude. There was always somebody who took that challenge so far.

maneesh 10y ago
That's cool! Which bot?
- qznc 10y ago
  Custom. We started with a small Jabber bot framework. Then migrated it to IRC (and terminal for testing). We cannot publicize all the plugins we made. If we rip out the plugins, it is just a bot framework like many others, just with less features and more convoluted code. Ok, our filter mechanism is probably unique. We can switch the bot to various german dialects like bavarian, swabian, etc. Works similar to http://rinkworks.com/dialect/works.shtml http://rinkworks.com/dialect/works.shtml but changes bot output instead of web pages. It was fun for a week and now nobody uses it anymore. I once tried to migrate our plugins to Errbot [0], but then decided it was too much effort for too little gain. [0] http://errbot.io/ http://errbot.io/
pjlegato 10y ago
Rather, it encourages people to become good at simulating gratitude in a plausible manner. It devalues the entire notion of gratitude to engage in that sort of petty manipulation. Gratitude is rendered into a base and superficial thing.
- qznc 10y ago
  Now that you mention it, I think that maybe our team spirit was better when we had regular Quake matches... ;)

vvanders 10y ago

> 2. Thank the people who never get thanked I always make a point of telling anyone in IT at whatever company I worked for that I appreciated what they did and knew it was a thankless job. It's one of those areas where if you do a perfect job no one knows you're there and you're only high-profile when you screw up. I've found over the years that they'll pay back that kindness ten-fold and often when you're in some sort of gnarly bind where time is critical.

madaxe_again 10y ago
I thank everyone for everything they do for me - not because I should but because I'm genuinely grateful whenever someone does what was requested of them. I've not found that it's something that's repaid. If anything, folks are more motivated by the guy who shouts at them and never thanks them, because they want his impossible to win approval. The thankful person gets ignored. There's probably a happy medium to be had somewhere.
- BeetleB 10y ago
  I think you're being downvoted a little too harshly. My comment to your experiences: I've been in your shoes. The solution was not to become cynical, but merely to find a better work environment. When I was leaving my old job, the refrain from my peers was: "You're just running away. You'll face these problems in all jobs." Never been happier that others were wrong.
  - madaxe_again 10y ago
    I suppose I should thank people because I should, not because I want to.
sambeau 10y ago
My old boss had the motto: "Treat the cleaners like they're The Queen; treat The Queen like she's a cleaner" I took this to mean: treat cleaners with respect & appreciation; do not fawn and scrape to your bosses. Similarly: "grief travels up, praise travels down" and "be nice to those you meet on your way up as you may well meet them again on your way down". I use all of these mantras on a daily basis and I believe they work. I can't guarantee my food is spittle free but I have never had reason to believe otherwise. I confess I have been known to break this rule with phone spammers.

dominotw 10y ago

Is it really gratitude if you cultivate it? Can you really become mindful/thankful/x via pure practice? If it makes sense and is logical why can't you instantly become thankful, why do you practice? I see ton's of people in daily life who have cultivated modesty (eg: politicians, ceo's ect) . It is so obvious that its fake, why do ppl do this?

chadgeidel 10y ago
It's not "fake gratitude", it's "verbalizing real gratitude". The article is about cultivating an environment where gratitude is known.
- qxt 10y ago
  To add on to this, this thinking of "fake" vs "real" gratitude falls into the typical Socratic thinking of "I can tell you what isn't XXX but I can't tell you what it is cause I'm not wise yada yada." As human beings we like to think we can tell human beings intentions. However, as miscommunication proves, we often can't, at least accurately. Having individuals go through the motions of generosity, humility, and gratitude is just as good as teaching people those intentions e.g. play the part long enough and you stop playing.
  - dominotw 10y ago
    > teaching people those intentions why do we need to teach people though? If its obvious that gratitude is good why can't we simply adopt it in an instant. Unless you mean 'anti gratitude' is inherent to all human minds and needs to be constantly suppressed and overpowered through practice.
    - somestag 10y ago
      Call it "teaching," "training," "learning," "conditioning," or whatever else you like, but it seems pretty self-evident that people change how they think and feel based on their experiences. Some of those experiences involve acting a certain way and seeing how others react. Think about it the other way—in terms of negative emotions. A person with anger problems might practice suppressing blowups and taking a moment to try to deal with the anger before moving on. Would you accuse them of being fake-not-angry? Of course not. They're practicing healthy behavior, and over time the practice becomes natural and they don't even have to think about it anymore. They have become a genuinely less angry person by practicing non-angry behaviors. Practicing gratitude is the same thing, except you're reinforcing a positive emotion rather than suppressing a negative one. You can become a genuinely more thankful person by reminding yourself to express gratitude. I question any person's ability to truly read the thoughts or emotions of another. At any given moment, a person's thoughts and feelings are very complex and entangled, yet when we interpret their actions we reduce them down to a simple emotion or intention. That oversimplification is always inaccurate, and we should work to develop more complex understandings of other people. So when someone looks like they're faking modesty, they may in fact feel somewhat modest, or at least be faking it for "good" reasons. There is, of course, a difference between "saying what you're supposed to say" and "trying to be more outwardly grateful," but in reality the lines blur a lot and neither is a bad thing. This may be an unpopular opinion, but when it comes to public discourse, I'll take fake expressions of gratitude over genuine expressions of contempt any day of the week.

br_smartass 10y ago

- Here's the money - Thanks

sebastianconcpt 10y ago

Just wanted to say something about this part: "In short, Americans actively suppress gratitude on the job, even to the point of robbing themselves of happiness. Why? It may be because in theory, no one gives away anything at work; every exchange is fundamentally economic." <- this does not matches with my work experiences with americans at all. On the contrary I noticed careful attention to appreciate every bit.

8ytecoder 10y ago
I agree - this matches my experience too. Americans are blunt but that goes both ways. They appreciate a good deed while at the same time make their disapproval heard too.
- pjlegato 10y ago
  I would point out that "Americans" are not a homogenous entity, culturally or otherwise. The United States is huge and has many distinct local cultural regions, with radically different behavioral norms that are obscured through the use of a common language and political system. San Francisco is vastly different than New Jersey, for example, and both are vastly different than, say, the rural south.

debt 10y ago

yo gratitude is nice but mainly make sure you're at a minimum in a good working environment. again, gratitude is nice, but it's not necessary for a healthy working environment. i think many people here would be surprised how many people don't give a shit about things like gratitude etc but just want a working/decent coffee maker in the office. a healthy working environment is the most important.

kvcrawford 10y ago

On that note, I'm gonna give a shout out to QA. Thanks guys.

ommunist 10y ago

Thank you.

Gravityloss 10y ago

Thanking can be the new humble brag.

buckbova 10y ago

> people are less likely to feel or express gratitude at work than anyplace else. And they’re not thankful for their current jobs, ranking them dead last in a list of things they’re grateful for. First off I don't want to be thanked or praised, I want to be PAID. If I do a great job give me more money, a day off, or something tangible. I don't want a non-monetary gift either. I have a drawer full of work trophies. It's nonsense. Why should I be thankful I have a job? I've earned this. I used to have a manager that would thank me all the time and then praise me for the littlest thing. It lost any meaning it may have had and often feels more manipulative than anything. Student of the one minute manager https://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/The_One_Minute_Manager https://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/The_One_Minute_Manager. I thank my co-workers all the time though because they don't have to be nice or helpful. And I nearly always help a co-worker when they ask for it and sometimes when they don't. I typically get a thank you. Thanks and praise from my teammates goes well beyond anything from a higher up. Maybe I'm cynical, but it nearly always feels like I'm being placated in some way. Edit: I think it goes further to respect and listen to the opinions of your fellow co-workers and your employees. Take all opinions into consideration. Do not dismiss anything immediately. Acknowledge those who've contributed yes, when taking any sort of credit when speaking to other higher-ups or outside the department. Also respect a person's work. Don't throw it away for a complete rewrite because that's easier than trying to understand it and don't suggest a revision without fully considering what already exists.

pjlegato 10y ago
Indeed, you have summed up a huge problem with SF area culture: many people think that these fake-nice platitudes are meaningful, and also use them against others on a large scale in their daily life as a form of pervasive emotional manipulation -- often to avoid paying someone money.
- maxxxxx 10y ago
  Honesty is the key. If you can fake it you are golden.
roflc0ptic 10y ago
I'm moving towards a lead dev role, running a small group (3 other devs). I always try to thank people, and include enough specific detail that it's plausible. One dev, fresh to a problem, recently identified a place where if we used a multi-map instead of a map, it would solve problems that had plagued us for months. My response was "Fuck yeah, we've been trying to figure out how to work around that for months. Good catch." I praised another dev who just joined for getting a whole lot more done in her first two weeks than I expected. Entirely new language and tech stack on a sophisticated application. It's impressive. I said so. Remuneration aside, they're humans who benefit from positive validation. It seems well recieved. Maybe an important point is I actually am grateful that they're good at their jobs. Man, working with competent people who aren't phoning it in is a pleasure. And yeah, in the abstract, my position with my employer is basically "fuck you, pay me." But that's just a sine qua non. Whether or not I like being there is contingent on how I'm treated.