153 ms·

> Who enjoys these games? I don't know if anyone really does. However, like me, most people probably like to think there's a right way and a wrong way of doing

by socket0 11y ago

> Who enjoys these games? I don't know if anyone really does. However, like me, most people probably like to think there's a right way and a wrong way of doing this, and that it's not all just a random coin flip where the house always wins. If someone we're attracted to apparently dislikes us for no discernible reason, it's comforting to think it's simply because we didn't follow the commonly accepted rules.

the_af 11y ago
But what if it's not that they are "commonly accepted rules" -- as if it was a conscious decision -- but more about how the brain is hardwired to act? What if the relatively simple rule of "if you're interested, just reply already, dammit!" doesn't accurately model how human sexual interactions work? Maybe we do a lot of signalling, some overt, some unconscious, some non-visual, just like it happens with other animals?
- socket0 11y ago
  I have no idea whether they're commonly accepted rules. Like most other cargo cult daters I like to think there are rules, and that they mean something, but when all is said and done I'm pretty sure you're right. It's a complex interplay of roles and traits shaped in part by evolution to weed out unfit candidates. On that we built our cargo cult: I have no idea what I'm doing, but when interacting with a potential love interest I'll mimic the actions that have apparently served others so well, and even when they make absolutely no sense they'll probably still work. I suspect a lot of other interactions in the digital world can be partially explained by cargo cults based on evolved behaviour. Conclusion: I might not be the only person who has no idea what he's doing when it comes to dating, so a lot of us are faking it and hoping for the best.
  - zimpenfish 11y ago
    > It's a complex interplay of roles and traits shaped in part by evolution to weed out unfit candidates. That would only apply to procreation, surely, not dating.
    - socket0 11y ago
      Dating might be entertainment to some, but I'm sure it's procreation to most.
    - infinite8s 11y ago
      In modern times dating is the primary mating ritual between individuals.

by socket0 11y ago

the_af 11y ago

But what if it's not that they are "commonly accepted rules" -- as if it was a conscious decision -- but more about how the brain is hardwired to act? What if the relatively simple rule of "if you're interested, just reply already, dammit!" doesn't accurately model how human sexual interactions work? Maybe we do a lot of signalling, some overt, some unconscious, some non-visual, just like it happens with other animals?

socket0 11y ago
I have no idea whether they're commonly accepted rules. Like most other cargo cult daters I like to think there are rules, and that they mean something, but when all is said and done I'm pretty sure you're right. It's a complex interplay of roles and traits shaped in part by evolution to weed out unfit candidates. On that we built our cargo cult: I have no idea what I'm doing, but when interacting with a potential love interest I'll mimic the actions that have apparently served others so well, and even when they make absolutely no sense they'll probably still work. I suspect a lot of other interactions in the digital world can be partially explained by cargo cults based on evolved behaviour. Conclusion: I might not be the only person who has no idea what he's doing when it comes to dating, so a lot of us are faking it and hoping for the best.
- zimpenfish 11y ago
  > It's a complex interplay of roles and traits shaped in part by evolution to weed out unfit candidates. That would only apply to procreation, surely, not dating.
  - socket0 11y ago
    Dating might be entertainment to some, but I'm sure it's procreation to most.
  - infinite8s 11y ago
    In modern times dating is the primary mating ritual between individuals.